Thursday, April 28, 2011

Pairs Division: Parker and Broderick

A deep, abiding concern.

Matthew Broderick and Sarah Jessica Parker attend the Broadway
opening night of "The Normal Heart" in New York City.

Chanel Pre-Fall 2011 Collection
Model: Lauren Brown

Lanvin Spring 2011 Collection
Model: Sigrid Agren (ELITE)

Darlings, we're very distressed about the state of the Broderick-Parker marriage. The last time we checked in on these two, we noted how awkward they look when they're together in public, but also wound up giving them fairly high scores in the style department. This time, they look relaxed and loving and in a good mood -- and they both look like crap. Kittens, what does it all mean? The better they look, the more miserable they are? That's crazy talk! We owe it to ourselves to hypothesize. You do that while we score their outfits.

He: Disgraceful, every bit of it. His pants need to be hemmed, his jacket is pulling across him because it doesn't fit, his tie and his shirt need to be pressed and neither of them go with the other. This is how a fratboy dresses for a summer internship interview. Score: 3/10

She: Puzzling. We like the coat and the dress, but they really don't go together. So much so, that pairing them together makes each piece look less attractive. It seems to us she took a coat that, let's face it, looks like it's something for the mature woman, and paired it with the tightest dress, shortest dress she could find on short notice. Stylistically, they just don't pair. In addition, there are way too many textural elements for one outfit. Hair and makeup looks as it usually does (although the former is unusually sloppy) and the shoes and bag are okay. Score: 6/10

Combined score: 4.5/10. Our only explanation is that they just got finished having a rare bout of makeup sex just before realizing they were due at a Broadway premiere and ran around throwing any old thing on themselves they can find. Hence, the JBF hair, relaxed, affectionate body language, and crap outfits that look like the final zip-ups were in a back seat.

[Photo Credit: wireimage, getty]

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