Wednesday, April 27, 2011

The TIME 100 Gala Red Carpet

Part of your world.

Darlings, it was the Time 100 Gala, Time magazine's party for the 100 Most Influential People In The World (which sounds like something a Bond villain would shout) in New York City. Most Beautiful Woman in the World Jennifer Lopez was not invited, nor was the Sexiest Man Alive, Ryan Reynolds. Strange. Apparently being the most beautiful or sexiest person on the planet does not result in much influence. J Lo and RyRey? You bitches are doing it wrong.

Amy Poehler in Karen Miller

We give her credit for trying something that isn't the usual one-shouldered ruffle-y cocktail dress, but this isn't working. The skirt is kind of interesting, but that top is a mess.

Anna Kendrick in Z Spoke by Zac Posen

Enh. It's cute, but it's what she always wears.

Blake Lively in Zuhair Murad

Our Facebook peeps said she looked like The Little Mermaid. We thought she stole something from Alexis Mateo's closet. Is this a classy, stylish look? No, not really. Pure drag. But it's something of an improvement for her.

Chris Colfer

Typical for Chris.

Darren Criss

Atypical for Darren. Someone's been coaching him. No goofy poses; no ironic shoes or sunglasses. Well done.

Gayle King

Man, Oprah really doesn't give her much of a clothing budget, does she? It's always voluminous satin-y dresses that look like they belong in a David's Bridal window.

Kerry Washington in Malandrino

That's an interesting print and color palette but we don't think it suits her skin tone. The dress is kind of shapeless on her to boot.

La La Vazquez

Cute, if standard. She needs a better-fitted bodice because you just know she spent the night hiking that thing up.

Martha Stewart

Oohhhhhh, sweetie. That's no good at all. We spent the first several seconds blinking in astonishment because we thought she wasn't wearing any pants. Ladies, if "flattering" is a dirty word to you, then wearing a top and pant combo that cuts you in half along with a giant jacket that obliterates the rest of your shape is definitely the way to go. Also, capri pants and big pointy-toed shoes are an excellent way to further throw off the proportions of your body. And finally, just to make it as awkward as possible, throw on a gigantic string of freshwater pearls to draw the eye further upward to the linebacker shoulders created by your jacked and carry a teeny-tiny 5-year-old's play purse to make you look like a giantess.

[Photo Credit: getty, wireimage]

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